Dear Old African People👴👵

Our “culture”, says during a disagreement between an adult and a child, the adult is always right. I hope the flaw in this reasoning is realized whenever you boast about it – boast because that is the go-to phrase in an effort to pull rank.

The past generation is a lot different from the present so when references are made to how things were done, I can’t relate. Keep in mind that life is dynamic and change is inevitable. The most dangerous phrase in the language is, “We’ve always done it this way.” Now, that was said by Grace Hopper, who is from generations before you.

I have heard many elders go on and on about how children of this generation are disrespectful. Do you know the meaning of disrespect? Do you really? Disrespect:- IMPOLITE, OFFENSIVE, INSULTING. My father taught me all about respect but he also taught me to stand up for myself. He didn’t raise me to be timid. On the contrary, he raised me to be assertive. Assertiveness never equates rudeness. Oh! I failed to mention, he is from your generation. I have grown to learn that respect is earned, not demanded. I choose to live by this knowledge while realising that respect is a 2-way street.

So, with all due respect, the next time you reference the child-adult boundary, remember: technically, I am the child of my biological parents only. Legally, I have been an adult for a number of years. Granted, the Bible admonishes us, “Honour your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise)” – Ephesians 6:2. The same chapter goes on to say in verse 4, “Fathers, do not provoke/anger/exasperate/irritate your children, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Since we are still on  “child-adult” relationships, let me conclude with these final words of wisdom about temptation and the bearers of such: “It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble” – Luke 17:2.

B.A.C.H.E.L.O.R.E.T.T.E ✋

“Stop lying, you’re not single.”
“Why are you denying your boyfriend? “
” Really?  You’re single? “
” Beautiful girls are not single.”
“You’re too pretty to be single.”
” Is it your decision or the guys are just not coming your way? “
” How do you cope with being alone? “
” So when do you think you will get a boyfriend? “
” So don’t you want to get married? “
” At this age you should have a boyfriend and be in a serious relationship “

Whew!!  My ears have suffered. These are a few of the random statements my ears are tired of hearing.  I am writing this post to declare my position once and for all,  so if anyone ever brought it up again,  I’ll just direct them to this post.

The first guy I ever loved (for many years) slept with my cousin(sister). No one is perfect but I saw him as the perfect being. He was nice, sweet and kind-hearted and although we were never in an official relationship, it still does not change the fact that he did that to spite me. My cousin did me one by finally telling me the full story. It helped me to get him out of my head after so many years – he has no idea that I know the full story and if he decides to read this post then he will find out.  I realised that he wasn’t worth my time or effort and he definitely wasn’t worth fighting for anymore( I really wanted this one). So today I can walk about knowing that his chapter is closed and I’m perfectly okay with it.

The guy I dated cheated in plain sight and lied about it. Of course after we broke up, he didn’t waste time in dating the girl he swore he felt nothing for and there was nothing going on between them. At that point, I was just grateful that I wasn’t pulled back into his web of lies🎭. It was also very easy to get over him after I found out he had tried to get with my friend before me(which he had lied to me about telling me my friend was trying to get with him).

The second guy I fell in love with, hmmmm, this one eh!! You think physical abuse is the worse form of abuse, wait till you experience emotional and mental abuse. I honestly thought women were the most manipulative beings on earth but he proved me wrong. You won’t even know you are being manipulated and any friend who tries to advice you seems like the enemy👿. This one did me the most damage and I am currently still working through this one. With time you learn to live with and accept all the hurts and disappointments😭😭. I think I have come a long way, my heart is still beating❤❤❤ and I am still somewhat sane. It’s no use trying to relive what I went through by writing it, but I will let you know his excuse which came 2 years late by the way (the things people say when they are finally ready to confess, smh). “… I was never the kid who got all the attention from fine babes and stuff. And then all of a sudden…somewhere in my life it’s like I start getting attention from girls, you seemed to have come back and some other ladies… I was confused and very stupid. I couldn’t really make a choice… it’s unusual for some of us. It’s like a dream come true.” Like WTF???!!!!!! 😨😨😱😱😱

Yes,  I’ve had some almost boyfriends.  For some, it wouldn’t have worked out because they can’t stand my principles and strong personality (they claim I have high standards) and for others, because I spotted red flags.

Three strikes is more than enough,  more than anyone deserves to handle so please cut me some slack. And pardon me when I decide that I will rather be single than trust myself to human beings who have a tendency to be fickle. It is only by the grace of God that I have maintained my sanity. When my relationship status changes, I will alert all “worried” observers. Until then, please allow me to concentrate on the things that matter most.  Peace out lovers, xoxoxo!!!

Images: Google Images | Instagram

What did you learn from your most painful life experience?

This post is a copy of my answer from  Quora. Read and share.

1. Don’t expect people to be honest with you because you were honest with them. People lie to make themselves look and feel good.
2. Don’t believe everything you are told. People will say and do anything to gain favours from you.
3. If you have to be someone else to please them or be accepted, they are just not worth it.
4. Always put your happiness first. This is not to say you should be selfish unnecessarily.
5. If it causes you to lose sleep, get rid of it.
6. Love is in action, not words. If he says it a lot and does not show it(or shows it when it suits him), walk away.
7. Everytime you talk about your painful experience, you have to relive it. Learn to stop talking about it.
8. If they tell you they are confused, reduce their confusion by taking yourself out of that situation that seems so ‘complex’ in their mind. This may be difficult and so I suggest you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.
9. Know when to refrain from giving too much information. Your attempt at being transparent will be used against you in the most hurtful way.
10. Accept that sometimes the pain never goes away and learn to live with it. However, don’t let it stop you from moving on(I am still struggling with this).